I Release You
by Texanlady
Summary: Eric reflects on the night Godric released him, and why he must now release Pam. No matter how much he may not wish to.


I realize that Godric never released Eric because he commanded him from the rooftop in Dallas, but this is me taking some literary license for the sake of my story.

Harris and Ball own 'em. Tragically.

No beta or proofing. As is.

I Release You

I remember the night Godric released me. I remember it in vivid detail, and while I have forgiven him for it, I have never moved past the pain of it. The night Godric released me was one of the most heart wrenching moments of my life. It was second only to the night of my family's murder until I watched my beloved maker meet the dawn. That quickly took over the top of my list with an ease that still haunts me.

The night Godric released me happened a few years after he'd made Nora. I was almost 400 at the time, and still as deeply bound to one's maker as a vampire could be. We did separate for a few years from time to time, but he still held command of me, and in my opinion that was just fine. I was more than willing to remain bound to him until the end of time. I hadn't even known that Godric was thinking of making another child, as he'd never indicated any such desire to me, but one evening he'd simply shown up with Nora's drained body in his arms and told me to bury them, that he had made me a sister.

We'd been in England at the time, and he'd found her in a small town about 50 miles out from London. I'd asked why he'd so suddenly turned a child, asked why he hadn't told me he was going to do it, but he never told me why he decided to turn her, and she has never shared the truth with me either. At first I'd been bitter that he turned her, disliking him bringing anyone into our close knit family of two, but I'd made peace with the fact we shared a maker soon after.

Nora was smart, beautiful, cunning, ruthless, and shared a joy for life that matched my own. She teased me incessantly and adored Godric every bit as much as I did, accepting his word as gospel and following wherever he led. Just as I did. I'd come to care for Nora quickly, but my love for her would not develop until some centuries later. Long after Godric had released me and sent me from their presence.

During the few years we traveled together, Godric, Nora, and I had shared everything. We fought together, we hunted together, we fucked together, and we basically basked in our existences as immortals walking the world. As we'd traveled I'd delighted in watching Godric teach Nora the very same lessons he'd taught me, watching him help her learn to master her emotions and embrace the beast within. At times I'd even enjoyed helping Nora learn to be what she was, helping her to understand our rigid and stoic maker who loved us, but did not believe in weakness of any kind. To be Godric's child meant to be strong. Then one night it had all come to a staggering halt.

One night, soon after rising, just a few short years after Nora joined us, Godric had come to stand beside my sister and I and simply said those hated words, "Eric, I renounce the ties of our blood, and my dominion over you as my progeny. As your maker, I release you."

I'd been stunned. Shattered. Betrayed. Heartbroken. And any other word that could possibly describe the complete undoing of a person. The second the last word passed his lips I'd felt the ferocious bond I'd shared with Godric dampen and recede. It did not vanish. My connection to him as his child would always be there until he met the final death, but I no longer felt him as I once had. The fierce and indestructible tie to him that I'd felt inside me since the night I rose was suddenly so very fragile and tenuous inside me. Or at least it seemed to be from the sudden release I had in no way been expecting.

I'd sat there in total silence as Godric had simply turned from me and Nora and walked away to begin gathering his few possessions from his space in our resting place. As soon as I'd regained my wits I'd raced after him and thrown myself at his feet, begged to know why he was sending me away, pleaded with him to undo what he'd done. He'd simply stood there. As solid and unmovable as he always was, and when my tears and pleas ran out he'd simply said, "It is time for you to walk the world alone. Be gone from my sight, Eric. You heel to me no more. Nora, come. We are leaving. We will not be coming back."

I'd knelt there on the ground as Nora and Godric finished collecting their last few possessions and made their way from the cave we'd been using for safety from the sun. Godric said nothing to me as he left, and Nora stopped only long enough to whisper that she'd try to talk to him and find out why he'd done what he'd done, and see if she could get him to change his mind. She'd then whispered her goodbye and followed after our maker.

I'd been in a daze and remained kneeling in that exact same position until the sun rose and forced me into my day's death. The next evening I'd remained sitting in the cave, devoid of all emotion as my thoughts consumed me. I couldn't believe that Godric had released me, and what was worse, is I could not understand why he'd done it. I had not angered or disappointed him in any way that I knew, so I could not fathom why he'd done this to me. I'd never imagined there would be a reason for Godric to release me. Many makers made children out of simple convenience and when those children ceased to be useful those makers released them. Such was not the case between Godric and I.

He'd made me to be a companion. He'd made me to be a true child, a child meant to remain tied to their maker for all eternity, even if I was not at his side. My final night as a human, the night I'd lain on my funeral pyre, Godric had appeared before me, all that was deadly and lethal, and he'd asked if I could be a companion to death. He'd asked me if I could spend eternity in his presence, and I'd said yes. I'd held up my end of the bargain, I'd followed and loved him with everything I am, but he'd been the one to lie to me. He'd abandoned me and left me alone, and with no reason!

It had taken me almost four days to force myself out of the devastated state Godric's release had caused in me, and I went on a bloody rampage that could have impressed the most sadistic serial killer, the most brutal vampire. I killed near a hundred humans in and throughout England and Scotland in an attempt to make the pain inside me abate. I'd ripped and torn at their fragile bodies, howling my misery to the night sky as I gorged and bathed in the blood of my victims, but nothing worked. Nothing and no amount of bodies was going to make up for the fact that Godric had abandoned me.

Eventually I'd regained control of myself, hardened myself, resolved to the truth that Godric no longer commanded me. For several centuries I'd roamed the world, hiring myself out to various monarchs as a warrior, and taking on as many impossible battles and odds that they could provide with their petty squabbling for more power. I guess humans would say I had a death wish, or in a vampire's case, a true death wish. I'd fought, I'd fucked, I'd existed in my angry and bitter state night after night. I'd decided after leaving England that I would never allow myself to care for another like I'd cared for Godric again. Love and devotion were foolish emotions, and I wanted no part of them. Then, just as I'd been destroyed a little over two hundred years before, one night my life suddenly changed yet again.

Nora came to me.

I was in Tibet at the time, working for the Queen there as a bodyguard and assassin, and when Nora appeared at court requesting to speak with me I was tempted to deny her, but my curiosity won out. I'd agreed to meet with her and we'd strolled through the valley alone that night and spoke.

Flashback:

_"Nora."_

_"Eric."_

_I stood taking in the sight of her. Obviously she hadn't changed physically as I hadn't, but she was dressed in native Tibetan women's garbs. When she remained silent I asked the only question I considered to be important. "Did he ever tell you why?"_

_"In a way. It took me about thirty years for him to finally speak to me of it though."_

_"And what did he say?"_

_"He simply said it was time. He said it was his final lesson and gift to you as your maker."_

_I digested that information before asking, "Why are you here?"_

_"He did it to me."_

_I watched bloody tears fill Nora's eyes as she sobbed, "I didn't do anything wrong! I—I obeyed every order! Fulfilled every task! I rose to every challenge! Why did he do this to me!"_

_I stood still and emotionless as I watched Nora fall at my feet and sob her heart out, begging me to tell her why Godric would cast her from his sight. She screamed and lashed out at me, shouting at me about how it was unfair I got over four centuries with him and she only had two. She went on to blame me, saying I must have done something during my time as his child that made him decide to release her so much sooner. I simply stood there and weathered her hurt and disdain, and when she finally fell still I asked, "So why have you come to me?"_

_Nora stood slowly, wiping the bloody tears from her cheeks as she whispered, "I didn't know anything could hurt this badly."_

_"Well then you were a fool, but that does not answer my question. Why have you sought me out?"_

_"I need you."_

_Arching a brow, I asked, "You need me?"_

_"Yes. I—I need you to help me get over Godric. I need you to help me be strong again. I can't get passed this myself."_

_"You are not my responsibility."_

_I turned and began to walk away but was waylaid when Nora darted in front of me to block my path. I had no patience for this. She was only a reminder of all I wanted to forget. "Move."_

_"No."_

_"I am centuries older than you and I will not hesitate to strike you down. The queen won't even give me a heavy penalty. I'm one of her favorite bodyguards and assassins."_

_More tears filled Nora's eyes as she begged, "Please, please if you remember at all what it feels like, if you remember at all what it was like for him to abandon you like this, help me. I—I'm not as strong as you. I can't do this alone. I don't know how to go from being part of something so wonderful and perfect to this. If you don't help me I will not survive."_

_I was tempted to say again that it was no concern of mine to help her. I was tempted to scoff at her for daring to come to me at all, but I refrained. I refrained because I did remember. I remember what it felt like when Godric released me so suddenly, when he walked away from me without so much as a backward glance. I remember what it was like to suddenly be so alone, to no longer feel the comfort of his maker's control inside me, and for the first time in centuries true emotion rose within me. I felt pity. I felt pity for Nora and I felt pity for myself. We were siblings that had been cast aside by our maker and the only thing we had in the world was each other. _

_"Very well. Come along."_

End Flashback:

I had not expected Nora to stay with me for long, but we ended up traveling together for almost two hundred years. We'd grown so close, connected in all new ways, and eventually together, we'd seen Godric again in 1942. Surprisingly he'd sought us out. He'd sought us out and explained to us that he'd released us the way he had because the greatest vampires were the ones that had the strength to survive without their makers. He'd released us because he did not want us controlled by anyone or anything but ourselves. If we chose to serve him ever again, it would be because the choice was ours. Because we loved him, respected him, and trusted him enough to follow his lead. Not because his blood controlled ours.

By the time he'd come for us Nora and I had both made peace with what he'd done, but that hadn't made our delight at knowing he still loved us any less. Of course Godric had also come to collect me because he'd found a werewolf bearing the mark I'd been tracking all my undead existence in Germany. That was when Nora and I parted ways. She'd gone on to become a part of the Authority, and I'd left with Godric to track down those that owed me blood and pain.

I realized now that all of that had led me to this moment. This moment as I moved to sit beside my only child and progeny Pamela in the basement of the club we'd built and run together. I realized what it must have cost Godric to do what I was about to do, and I found myself was again in awe of my maker. He had been far greater than I.

Now, as I stared into my child's eyes, explaining to her why this terrible thing must be done, I hoped that Godric's blood would live on in her. I hoped that the legacy of our existences would carry on through the ages as my child continued to walk the world when I was gone. I hoped the strength of our blood in her would hold true and she would be able to weather the hard times she was sure to face when I was no longer there to comfort and guide her, and mostly I hoped she would never forget that I released her out of love, as my maker had done for me so long ago.

I listened as Pam begged me to not do this thing I had decided on. I listened as she swore to fight and possibly die beside me as I went after Russell one final time, and I realized that I had done well. I had made one child, and she was magnificent. Even after my brutal and unforgiveable treatment of her over the last few weeks she was still steadfast in her love and loyalty to me. I was moved by her and my love for her burned bright and hot in my chest. My days were surely numbered, but I faced death knowing this magnificent creature loved me. She was made by me, raised by me, and sent into the world by me, and that was a legacy I was proud of. Pamela would survive, and through her I would never be forgotten.

When her arguments ran out, when she realized the decision had been made, I watched her rally herself. I watched my beautiful daughter take hold of her emotions and accept the fact the time had come for me to release her. No maker could have been more proud than I was. I did not want to do this thing that would drive a wedge between us that could never be undone. I did not want my final days to be spent feeling hollow and devoid of the comforting feel of my child inside me, our bond singing so loud and strong that it helped to drown out my pain, but I had no choice.

Russell was coming. My selfish need to hurt the vampire that had hurt me so long ago had doomed Pamela as well as myself. My stupidity and arrogance, my refusal to listen to Godric's words, meant that I would face the true death alone. I was a fool, and I was paying for it. But I'd be damned if my Pamela would suffer as well. No, Pam would be safe. She would be safe to mourn my passing, safe to learn to be a maker in her own right, and safe to live on. I was releasing her, but I would always be with her. I could only hope she knew that.

Standing, I looked deep into the eyes of the only thing I was completely sure I'd ever done right, and said with a breaking heart, "Pamela, I renounce the ties of our blood, and my dominion over you as my progeny. As your maker, I release you."

It was done.

Pamela was safe.

I was truly alone.

THE END


End file.
